A revocable living trust gives you control and flexibility during life and a clear plan for what happens after. Still, many families want more than the legal framework—they want practical guidance that helps a trustee carry out decisions in a way that reflects personal values and family dynamics. A nonbinding letter of wishes can fill that gap. It is not a legal amendment to your trust, but it can be a powerful guide for the people tasked with carrying out your plan.
This article explains what a letter of wishes is and is not, when it helps, what to include, how to keep it consistent with your trust and beneficiary designations, and when to seek legal help. Laws vary by state. The information below is general and is not a substitute for advice about your situation. For related guidance, see Annual Gifting Directions vs. Discretionary Distributions in a Revocable Trust: What to Clarify.
What a Letter of Wishes Is (and Is Not) for a Revocable Trust
A letter of wishes is a private document you write to guide your trustee and family about how you want your revocable trust administered. It can express your values, priorities, and preferences in everyday terms—things that do not always fit neatly into legal language. It is typically kept with your estate planning documents and can be updated as your life evolves. For related guidance, see Successor Trustee Compensation and Expense Reimbursement in a Revocable Trust.
Key features to understand:
- It is nonbinding. A letter of wishes does not change the terms of your trust and does not force the trustee to act a certain way. The trust document controls. The letter provides context and direction that a thoughtful trustee can consider when using discretion granted in the trust.
- It complements, not replaces, your trust. Use the letter to explain “how” and “why,” not to rewrite “what” the trust says. If you want to change beneficiaries, distribution percentages, or trustee powers, those changes must be made through proper legal steps in the trust or related documents.
- It is usually private. Unlike a will that may become public during probate in some states, a letter of wishes is typically kept private and shared only with your trustee and anyone else you choose.
- It can evolve over time. Because the letter is nonbinding, you can update it without the formalities required to amend a trust. That flexibility makes it a useful place to capture practical, current guidance.
Think of the trust as the blueprint and your letter of wishes as the project notes: practical, specific, and human. Used correctly, both work together to honor your goals.
When a Letter of Wishes Helps—and Common Missteps to Avoid
A letter of wishes is especially helpful when your trust gives the trustee discretion—such as allowing distributions for “health, education, maintenance, and support,” or authorizing the trustee to delay or accelerate distributions. In those moments, your preferences can help the trustee apply discretion in a way that matches your values.
Situations where a letter of wishes can be valuable:
- Blended families. You can express how you want a spouse's needs balanced with adult children's interests, and the tone you hope family members will keep with each other and with the trustee.
- Young or financially inexperienced beneficiaries. You can share how and when you prefer distributions, educational priorities, and what “support” looks like to you.
- Beneficiaries facing challenges. You can outline guardrails for substance use, spending concerns, or creditor issues, and encourage the trustee to fund treatment or coaching before making cash distributions.
- Charitable intent. You can identify charities you admire, how you choose them, and whether you prefer ongoing giving or one-time gifts, always subject to the trust terms.
- Unique assets. You can describe your preferences for a family cabin, artwork, heirlooms, collections, or a family business—maintenance expectations, buyout ideas, or how to handle scheduling and costs.
Common missteps to avoid:
- Contradicting your trust. If your letter conflicts with the trust, the trust controls. Conflicts can confuse the trustee, create tension, and lead to disputes.
- Using binding language. Avoid phrasing like “must” or “shall” that can be mistaken as legally mandatory. Use “I prefer,” “I hope,” or “I request.”
- Hiding legal changes in the letter. Do not attempt to change beneficiaries, percentages, or trustee powers in a letter of wishes. Make those changes through a trust amendment or restatement.
- Overloading with detail. Lengthy, granular instructions can trap a trustee in practical dead-ends. Focus on principles, priorities, and examples that leave room for judgment.
- Ignoring beneficiary designations. Retirement accounts, life insurance, and some accounts pass by beneficiary form, not by the trust. A letter cannot redirect those assets.
- Letting it go stale. Out-of-date letters can mislead a trustee or signal to beneficiaries that your plan is out of touch with current realities. Revisit your letter periodically and after major life events.
If you are unsure whether your preferences belong in the trust itself or in a letter of wishes, it is time to speak with counsel about the right place for each directive.
To discuss preparing or reviewing a letter of wishes that aligns with your revocable trust and beneficiary designations, schedule a consultation. Use our contact form or call 414-2538500 to speak with our firm about representation.
What to Include: Practical Topics, Tone, and Clarity
Your letter should be readable, practical, and focused on helping the trustee make sound decisions. Consider these topics and approaches:
Core principles and goals
- Your overarching priorities. For example, you might prioritize a surviving spouse's comfort and healthcare, educational support for children, and long-term financial stability over immediate equalization.
- Distribution philosophy. Explain your view on lump sums versus staged distributions, incentives for saving or education, and support during transitions like job loss or relocation.
- Discretionary distribution guidance. Offer examples of needs you would support (e.g., tuition, first-home down payment under certain conditions, counseling, professional training) and when you would pause or limit distributions.
Guidance for specific beneficiaries or groups
- Surviving spouse. Clarify that you want the trustee to err on the side of comfort and dignity while still protecting long-term resources, if that reflects your intent.
- Children and young adults. Identify educational goals, expected contributions (e.g., reasonable part-time work), and what documentation you would like for tuition, rent, or travel abroad programs.
- Beneficiaries with challenges. Outline preferences for supporting treatment plans, financial coaching, or pauses on distributions if funds may be misused or intercepted by creditors, consistent with the trust's terms.
Assets and administration
- Risk tolerance and investments. Indicate whether you prefer conservative, balanced, or growth-oriented investing and the importance of diversification and liquidity for foreseeable needs, recognizing the trustee's duty to follow the trust and applicable law.
- Real estate or family retreat. State whether you hope to keep or sell a property, under what conditions sale makes sense (maintenance costs, lack of use), and how to handle scheduling, expenses, and capital improvements if retained.
- Business interests. Share preferences about whether to retain or sell, how to weigh offers, who to consult, and any buy-sell understandings or key contacts, without contradicting governing agreements.
- Heirlooms and sentimental items. Describe your hopes for keeping certain items in the family and any rotation or lottery method if the trust allows. If your state allows a separate tangible personal property memo referenced by the will or trust, clarify that the memo controls for items listed there, and keep it consistent with your letter. Laws vary by state.
- Charitable giving. Identify charities or causes you value, whether you prefer ongoing annual gifts or a percentage gift at trust termination, and how to evaluate charities over time, subject to the trust terms.
- Digital assets and accounts. Provide practical notes about photo libraries, domain names, social media, or cloud storage, including where credentials are stored and who should receive copies, without listing passwords in the letter itself.
Tone, communication, and process
- Tone for family and trustee. Encourage transparency, patience, and respect. If you want periodic updates to beneficiaries, state the frequency you prefer, while deferring to legal requirements and the trustee's judgment.
- Documentation practices. If you value detailed records for significant distributions or loans, say so and explain what you consider sufficient documentation.
- Conflict resolution. Encourage beneficiaries to bring concerns directly to the trustee before escalating, and invite the trustee to seek legal and tax guidance when unclear.
What to avoid including
- New legal instructions. Do not change beneficiaries, percentages, or trustee powers here.
- Promises to beneficiaries. Avoid language that beneficiaries could claim as a binding commitment.
- Sensitive data. Do not include Social Security numbers or passwords. Keep that information in a secure, separate location.
Coordinating With Your Trust, Beneficiary Designations, and Other Documents
Coordination is critical. A letter of wishes cannot override your trust or beneficiary forms. To prevent confusion, review how your instructions work together:
- Trust terms control trustee actions. If the trust limits distributions or sets ages, the trustee must follow those terms. Use your letter to explain how you would apply discretion within the trust's boundaries.
- Beneficiary designations control certain assets. Retirement accounts, life insurance, annuities, and some financial accounts pass according to beneficiary forms or payable-on-death/transfer-on-death designations. If those designations send assets outside the trust, your letter cannot redirect them. Align your designations with your overall plan.
- Joint ownership can bypass the trust. Joint tenancy or community property with right of survivorship can move assets directly to a co-owner, regardless of trust instructions. Make sure joint titling is intentional.
- Other planning documents matter. Powers of attorney, health care directives, and tangible personal property memos should support, not contradict, your letter. Clarify where the most current versions are stored.
- Tax and timing considerations. Your preferences for staged distributions or retaining assets should be considered alongside potential tax effects. Laws and tax rules vary by state and may change over time.
Practical coordination steps:
- Date and sign your letter so it is clear which version is current.
- Use clear headings and short sections to make it easy for a trustee to find answers.
- Flag any parts that tie to specific trust sections (e.g., “This guidance relates to Article 5, Discretionary Distributions”).
- When you update your trust, review and refresh your letter to keep them aligned.
Sharing, Storing, and Updating Your Letter Over Time
Decide who should see your letter now and who should see it later. There is no single right answer; it depends on your family dynamics and the content of your letter.
Sharing options:
- Share with the trustee now. This can help the trustee prepare and may avoid surprises. It also allows you to answer questions while you are available.
- Share with selected family members. Offering a copy to a spouse or a trusted adult child can build alignment, but consider whether it may lead to pressure for changes you do not intend.
- Keep it sealed until needed. If privacy is a priority, keep the letter with your estate plan and direct where it is stored. Ensure the trustee knows how to access it when the time comes.
Storage tips:
- Keep the original with your trust in a safe, accessible place. Avoid safe deposit boxes that may be difficult to access immediately after death in some states.
- Provide a copy to your estate planning counsel for secure storage, if you wish.
- Maintain a secure digital copy in an encrypted vault, naming the file clearly and noting the date and that it supersedes prior versions.
Updating guidelines:
- Update after major life events. Marriage, divorce, births, deaths, moves to a new state, major asset changes, or a significant health diagnosis are good triggers.
- Set a light annual or biennial review. A quick check-in helps keep your guidance current even if no changes are needed.
- Use version control. Title your letter, include the date, and state that it replaces any prior letters. Avoid handwritten edits that can cause confusion; prepare a clean replacement.
Next Steps: Trustee Questions and How Counsel Can Help
Trustees shoulder real responsibility. If you are a trustee, a letter of wishes can be a compass—but it does not replace your duty to follow the trust and applicable law. Consider the following practices:
- Read the trust and the letter together. Note where the trust grants discretion and where the letter offers relevant guidance.
- Document decisions. Keep notes explaining how you considered the letter when exercising discretion.
- Communicate early. Proactive, respectful communication with beneficiaries can prevent misunderstandings.
- Seek help when needed. If you see a conflict between the trust and the letter, or if a decision has tax, legal, or creditor implications, consult legal counsel. Laws vary by state, and local guidance matters.
If you want help drafting, reviewing, or coordinating a letter of wishes with your revocable trust and beneficiary designations, schedule a consultation to discuss hiring counsel. Reach us through our contact form or call 414-253-8500 to talk through next steps with our firm.
Common Questions About Letters of Wishes
Are letters of wishes legally binding on a trustee?
No. A letter of wishes is guidance, not a legal command. The trustee must follow the trust and applicable law. The letter can influence how the trustee exercises discretion if it aligns with the trust, but it does not create enforceable rights for beneficiaries.
Can a letter of wishes change the distributions in my revocable trust?
No. To change distributions, beneficiaries, or trustee powers, you need a trust amendment or restatement that complies with your state's requirements. A letter of wishes cannot override those terms.
How often should I update a letter of wishes?
Revisit it after major life events and consider a brief annual or biennial review. If nothing changes, re-date it or note that you reviewed it so a trustee knows it is current. Because laws vary by state and can change, periodic reviews with counsel help keep your plan aligned.
What happens if my letter of wishes conflicts with the trust?
The trust controls. A conflict can create confusion or delay. If you discover a conflict, amend the trust or revise your letter so they match your true intent. Trustees should seek legal guidance when conflicts appear.
Should I give a copy of my letter of wishes to the trustee now or keep it private until needed?
It depends on your goals and family dynamics. Sharing now can help the trustee prepare and ask questions; keeping it private preserves flexibility and avoids debate. Either way, make sure the trustee can access the current version when needed and that the letter's location is documented.
Disclaimer: This article provides general information about letters of wishes for revocable trusts. It is not legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship. Laws vary by state and may change. Consult qualified counsel about your specific circumstances before taking action.
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